Dirty Little Secret
by MrandMrsNiley
Summary: Journal entry from Miley Cyrus. How far will the gossip, paparazzi and losing the love of her life push her?


It's a cold night, so cold I can feel nothing. Nothing but my heart beating ten times faster than usual. I just ran and ran. I didn't know where I was going but I knew one thing, I was going to get away. Away from all my troubles, the drama, the rumors, and him.

I met him three years ago. I still remember the day clearly, I was 14, and you could say it was the best day of my life. June 11, 2006. At first it was just a cute little relationship, but then it grew. It grew into something much deeper. So deep no one would ever know. In front of the cameras and reporters it was just a friendship, but behind the cameras it was something that I knew would be my future. But no one else knew, it was our dirty little secret. As months passed by our love grew stronger, we never told anyone, not even our parents. They wouldn't understand, no one would understand. Our love was too powerful. This wonderful love, that soon became my inspiration, my way of living, my best friend, became stronger each day. One day it was holding hands, the next it was a hug, then small kisses on the cheek, and finally, while on a romantic walk on the beach, our love grew into something every 15 year old girl dreamed of, the warm, passionate kiss. I could describe his kiss for hours, the way his tender lips felt on mine, how he held me tightly and didn't let go, that smile we both had after, but most importantly that dirty little need for more. This happiness ended on December 19, 2007. The most tragic day of my life, not only did I lose my boyfriend and the love of my life, but also I lost my best friend. Nothing was ever the same after that.

Now, 4 years later. June 11, 2010, I stand here, after running for god knows how long, in the exact same spot I met him, now an empty field filled with memories. It's not easy you know. Cameras watch us all the time. It's hard to forget, a person can only take so much pain. He's the reason I'm standing here gasping for air. Not the paparazzi, not my parents, not HER, him. My Prince Charming.

It all started earlier today, I was being followed by the paparazzi (as always). I was on my way to his house; I needed to make peace again, to have my closure. I managed to lose the paparazzi after a while. When I got to his house I noticed the door was open. It turns out he and his "girlfriend" were fighting. She storm right out of there and as she did he noticed me standing there. He looked at me the same way he did when we first met. Both of us stood there, speechless and silent. Just looking into each other's eyes, like a staring contest. "I missed you", he said suddenly. Breaking the silence that was secretly killing me. After that we sat and talked for hours. Suddenly, he kissed me. It was the same sweet, warm, tender passionate kiss. We kissed for what seemed like a lifetime. Suddenly he asked "Are you ready?" I knew what he meant, and I was. He slowly began kissing me again, as he took off my dress and nervously unclipped my bra, I felt like I was in heaven. When it was over we just sat on the couch, wrapped in only a blanket watching The Notebook. Everything was perfect. I felt like a little girl who knew something no one else knew. I had a dirty little secret again. Thinking nothing could ruin this moment, I kissed him. Right as I did the door swung open. Standing there was his, now ex, girlfriend and our parents, thinking nothing could possibly get worse the paparazzi crowded around the door. I could see it then, the shame, the hate, the rumors; it was like December 19th all over again.I felt a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and without thinking I quickly got up, slipped on my dress and ran.

Now I'm here. As I'm writing this I keep questioning myself, "Was it really worth it?" I know that any moment now someone will find me and I will be on the news tomorrow. To tell the truth, it was damn worth it. I don't know what'll happen after tonight but I only wish the best for him. As I sit here I am receiving and sending my last text message. **Last received: From Nick Jonas:** _I love you, I'm sorry. _**Last sent: To Nick Jonas: **_I love you too, and I'M sorry. I'll miss you._

Hopefully someone will find this someday. If you do please give this to him, I want him to know how much he meant to me. He was my only true friend, and my only true love. "Now I die, kiss your tender lips goodbye, pray to god he hears my cry." I love you Nick... -Miley


End file.
